A journal entry and reflection about losing my grandmother during the pandemic.

Collectively, I think we were all transformed by the realisation that you can sit all of two meters from someone every day and only really have a surface-level understanding of what they’re going through.

I didn't know how to articulate that on one hand I'd met an incredible guy, but on the other hand I was miserable, lonely, unfulfilled, and unable to picture what my future would look like. I was struggling to redefine my identity as an expat or immigrant without the people who have always been by my side. How do I explain that the best year of my life was also the worst?

I lay alert in their guest bed, taking in my new surroundings. After months on the boat, I was extremely conscious of the stillness. I realized how familiar I had become with every sound on the boat. The dull rattling of the anchor chain, the creaks of the wooden floor boards, the ocean. These sounds were replaced with new ones that night.